Guess Who's One????

If there's any advice people like to pass on to me, it would be:

"Enjoy these years. They go by so fast".

It's so true. I can't believe that Ellie is 1! It feels just like yesterday that Jeff and I were anxiously awaiting news of her birth. I remember getting a text from her birth mom at 10 in the morning saying she was at the hospital and had gotten her medicine to start the process. That afternoon Jeff, Sydney, and I were in the car driving up to the Salt Lake area. We got a phone call from her birth father saying she had been born. 8 lbs., 2 oz., 20 1/2 inches long. I could hear her screaming in the background. It was a surreal experience. The two days before she was actually placed with Jeff and I were sacred. Not necessarily for us, but for our birth family. They deserved to have that special time to themselves, and both Jeff and I are glad they had that time to meet, and spend time with just her. They had to have time to say their I love yous, to get all the kisses and hugs in they could, and say their good-byes. We felt fortunate to see her the day after her birth, but she wasn't ours--yet.

Her life with us began two days after her birth--when she was placed with us. I look back on pictures of that day and have so many mixed feelings. I wish all of you reading this could be a part of an adoption. I really do. It's difficult to describe the feelings of a placement day. All I know is how I felt. As an adoptive mom I felt humbled by the gift of love I was receiving. I felt nervous, overwhelmed, sad, and happy all at the same time. I won't try to even articulate what kind of emotions the birth family was having because I've never been in that position. The best way to describe a placement day, is extremely emotionally charged. However, although all of our feelings are all over the place, the major underlying emotion is one of love. Love for a child. And that is how an adoptive couple/birth family can do what they do. Today, as I look back on pictures, all I can think about is what I should have done, what gifts I should have given, what I should have said, pictures I should have taken. I know it doesn't change anything, but it would be nice to go back--to make it perfect--because our birth family deserved that. Perfection. After all, that's what they gave to us.

And perfection Ellie is! I've been working on a project for the last few weeks and remembering this past year with her. Six days after she was born my grandmother passed away--so we packed up our one week old and took her to a funeral. She seemed to give hope to all of us during that time of sorrow and loss. There is nothing more heavenly than a newborn. I remember just a few weeks later taking her to Disneyland. I know, call us crazy. In fairness to us, our trip was actually planned before she was born--so there was no going back. To date, I think that trip to Disneyland was the best yet! Christmas was extra magical with a newborn, as was each holiday. With her finalization, we eagerly awaited the blessing of taking her to the Temple. What a special day that was for us as a family! Later that month we visited Yellowstone National Park. :) We have been able to spend time with not only our extended family on numerous occasions, but her birth family as well. Yes, this year has been full of lots of good memories for us!

Today she is a very happy, healthy baby girl! She loves music, balls, dogs, lights, and her daddy. :) She loves to eat peas, cuties, grapes, raspberries, peanut butter sandwiches, potatoes, tomatoes, and anything with frosting! She can say "uh-oh", "mama", and "dada". She loves to play with Sydney and the dog. We love her very much and have loved seeing her personality start to appear. She can be pretty determined and feisty at times, but is overall a very easy-going and happy baby!

We had her little birthday party last night and thought we'd share just a few pictures. We had a nice time celebrating her first year, and look forward to many more years to come!!

If there's one thing about Ellie, it's really hard to resist kissing her cheeks! She is so kissable!!!

This was a fun cake to make! And Ellie had fun eating it!!

We love you Ellie Belle! Happy, Happy Birthday! We are so glad you are a part of our family!

Dear Me

I celebrated another birthday last Tuesday and thought I'd re-post an entry from my old blog. It seems to sum up my life in the last decade. ;) Enjoy a blast from the past!

To my 20 year-old self,

You just spent the past summer with JD, and although the daily flowers and love notes have been wonderful, you’re going to break up in a few months. You won’t know why you’re doing it, and you’ll second guess yourself. It will come as a surprise to everyone, especially JD. You’ll know you did the right thing when you find out his promise of going to school will end up being a complete lie. He’ll eventually meet someone else, get married, have a couple of kids and follow in his Dad’s footsteps of hopping from one get-rich scheme to the next--just like we thought would happen. You try your best to focus on school, and hope you didn't throw away your only chance. You’re broken heart will mend, and while it's mending...please don’t eat the chicken!!! You’re roommate Saundra, will get a job at KFC and will bring home fried chicken and macaroni and cheese every night, along with the occasional chocolate cake. I know you’ll want to bond with your roomies over a bucket of grease and cheesy noodles, but trust me on this one, just say no.

Moving to a new place the next year will be the BEST decision you ever make. Even though you don’t know anyone, you will meet Jeff. The first date you go on, you’ll know that you were meant to be with him. The only person you tell that to is your journal, and yes, you’ll get to dance with him again, and again, and again....!!! When he slips an engagement ring on your finger on the top 0f the Space Needle, you’ll be so giddy and excited that when you get the crazy idea to drive past the Seattle Temple you’ll get lost, and drive past it 4 times. Don’t worry, you’ll find your way there--just not until your wedding day--and it will be everything you hoped for. There is no place more beautiful than the Temple and as you kneel across the alter from Jeff you will know that this is how your life was supposed to begin.

As you get closer to graduation, please study for your online course final. If you can’t do that, at least read the book. It will really help. Learn to love the couches, because they’re around for a long time. Don’t get Jeff a gift-card for Valentines day and don’t cry when he gets you a pair of shoes and has to take a final that day. Really, don’t do it, you’ll regret it. Try not to compare yourself, or your marriage to others. You know the newlywed couple that has the grand piano, matching dishes, and a home that looks like a magazine cover? Try to see the good in them. They’re everywhere.

I know you’ve always wanted to move back east. You get close when you move to Kentucky--you move into the Eastern time zone at least--to help put Jeff through Dental School. You put your college degree to good use and teach at a private school for learning disabled children. You end up teaching for longer than you anticipated, but it turns out to be the best thing that ever happens to you. You grow up. There will be bad days, and difficult students. But there will be lessons learned, friendships made and cherished, and a new understanding for those young and old who face challenges in their lives, but learn to overcome them. We all have them it turns out...even you.

For some reason, you knew from the very beginning that starting a family would be difficult. It turns out you were right. I’m not going to try to sugar-coat it for you, because you hate that. You will feel like it’s your fault, Jeff will feel like it’s his. It’s no one’s. The doctor’s will tell you it will happen because you’re so young, but you know deep down it won’t. To make matters worse you’re surrounded by all things baby so the pain is renewed afresh with every announcement and shower. I will just sit here with you. I will cry with you. I will grieve with you. I will let you stumble through the pain, because it turns out that is exactly what you need. I want to thank you in advance for never losing faith, even though there will be days when you wonder if there is anything left to hope for. The Master of the vineyard has decided that you need some pruning. I know it hurts and that you’re not looking your best right now, but the re-growth will be more beautiful and glorious than you can imagine!

You and your barrenness will move to a place you consider desolate and unfruitful, just like yourself. Some things are not what they always appear to be however. You've always tried to bloom where you've been planted, and this new place is no different. It just takes a little longer to get used to. Jeff will fall in love with a puppy, and so will you. You’ll discover that although you forgot to pack all your friends from Kentucky in your Penske, and are really missing them, there’s room in your heart for different kinds of friends. You’ll get to wear braces for a few months, work in the dental office, and teach in the Primary. Jeff will become Dave Ramsey’s biggest fan, his golf clubs will begin to collect dust, and he will become a father!!! That means yes...you will become a mother!!!

Your life will be consumed with sleepless nights, dirty diapers, spit-up, giggles, chubby tummies, first steps, baby hugs and kisses, story time, and Music Makers. When you look at her you won’t see your golden curls, or Jeff’s thick, long lashes. But when you hold her for the first time, you will recognize her spirit. She is yours. The glimpses of eternity that you will be privy to will melt the bitterness and replace it with peace. And we both know that is the best gift we could ever receive.

Just as you enter the throes of toddler-hood, you and Jeff put your papers in for a second baby. To be blessed twice over is more than you think you deserve, but you've felt her and know she is coming. The email you and Jeff have been waiting for comes after a small glitch. When you meet them a few weeks later you know. One month later you kiss her cheeks for the first time, gaze at her while she sleeps, and feel complete. She too, is yours. You thought you had the whole mom thing figured out, but adding another one brings new challenges, feelings, and pressures. As you work through them, try to be kinder to yourself. Of course you're not perfect. Who is? We're all works in progress. Be patient, and know that with time, love, and lots of prayer, things will work out. They always do. Always.

Love,

Me

Happiness is...

A kissable, huggable, loveable, chubb-able, squishable, adorable--

very MESSY

11 month old!!!

My Sunshine

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting in a small hospital room in Michigan, holding a precious baby girl in my arms. Tears soaked my face as I realized that my dream of becoming a mother was a reality--no longer a "someday". There were so many emotions that both Jeff and I experienced during our week long stay in Michigan (out of state adoptions typically take about a week before permission is granted allowing a child to leave the state). Overwhelming love, excitement, sadness, joy, and nervousness all rolled into one. That is how Sydney came to us just barely over 4 years ago. So this past week, and weekend we celebrated her, and I remembered. Remembered her newborn cries, the first time she smiled, the first time she laughed, her first steps, her first word (balloon), and the first time she said "I love you"--which sounded more like "I wuv oo". It's been an adventure getting to know her and we seem to learn something new about her, and ourselves as parents, each day. I have to admit that I have a twinge of sadness each time she celebrates a birthday, because I'm reminded of how quickly the time goes. However, I look forward to all the new things she'll get to experience this year. Preschool, friends, recess, teachers, and field trips just to name a few. :) I realize this post is a little late, but some of her birthday festivities happened this weekend, so I thought I'd wait to post it all. Here's some of what we did for Sydney's 4th birthday:

We have a birthday tradition at our house where the birthday person gets to choose their favorite dinner to eat and then eats it on the special Happy Birthday plate. :) We kicked off Sydney's birthday a few days early with a pancake "dinner" with her aunt, uncle, and cousins since they were leaving town early in the week. When we asked her what she wanted to eat for dinner--without hesitation, she said pancakes! Jeff and I laughed--mostly because that wasn't surprising. If she could, she would eat pancakes all the time. :)

Good Morning Birthday Girl!!!!!

I think her face says it all... :) She had a hard time waiting to eat it.

After going to Disneyland last Halloween, Sydney has been in love with Jack Skellington. The Haunted Mansion is decorated like The Nightmare Before Christmas, and since that was her favorite ride, it would only be natural that she love Jack right? Jeff and I had never seen The Nightmare Before Christmas, and were surprised that she wasn't scared. Quite the opposite--she has a fondness for "dark" things we have discovered. Not only that, we learned that there is a cult-like following of fans who love the movie. I dare say, she's probably one of the youngest followers that has obsession with the show. ;)

One of her gifts was too big to wrap, so we blindfolded her and brought it out. Her favorite gifts have been a Busytown game and her rain boots.

Sydney loves her dad!!!

We took a quick weekend trip to St. George. Sydney and I were lucky enough to get tickets to The Little Mermaid in the overflow section. I was so glad we were able to see it--she loved it! In fact, when Ariel came out on stage Sydney started waving her hand and shouted out a big hello. It was her first theatrical performance, so she was a little confused why Ariel couldn't see her, and didn't return her greeting. Her favorite part was when Sebastian pinched the Chef's bum during the kitchen scene. She also really liked Flounder, and Flotsam and Jetsam. I thought Ursula's costume was pretty impressive, and loved the kitchen scene. If you make a trip down to St. George in the next few months, make sure to see it if you haven't already!

Sydney got to meet her favorite characters after the show. She told Flounder that he could come to her house and play anytime. :)

Sydney told Flotsam and Jetsam that she really liked the way they danced. She also told them that they did a great job, and that they too, could come to her house anytime. We'll see... :)

Splashing in fresh puddles with her new rain boots. Life doesn't get much better than this!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SUNSHINE!

The Evolution of a Birthday Cake...

Today was Sydney's Birthday and I really wanted to try to redeem myself--because the last 3 cakes have been, hmm-hmm, less than stellar. You'll have to tell me what you think about the evolution of Sydney's Birthday cakes the past 4 years.... ;)

I'm not really sure what I was envisioning with this one. Sad isn't it??? We dubbed it Pile-O-Cake. Fitting name don't you think?

Hmm...definitely better than the year before. But let's be honest--still pretty lame.

Yes. Those are donuts. The easiest cake to make. In my defense however, when I asked Sydney what kind of cake she wanted for her third birthday she told me wanted a donut cake. I wasn't about to argue with that request. ;)

When Sydney told me that she wanted a Jack Skellington cake (her favorite movie is The Nightmare Before Christmas, but we'll save that one for another post), I knew I had to change my ways if you will, and kick it in to high gear. With some much needed advice from a very creative friend of mine, I think I've had a Birthday Cake breakthrough!!! Hooray! And the best part was, it tasted divine!!!

So, I was a bit of a late bloomer in the birthday cake department. As a wife and/or mother what is something that has "evolved" for you??????

AMAZING GRACE

Have you ever wondered about the role of God's grace in your life? I have on many occasions, and just recently came to understand infinitely more about it. If you want to be truly inspired today, to understand how amazing His grace is--please, please, please watch this devotional given by Brad S. Wilcox. I promise you won't regret it. Oh, and go grab some tissues. You'll need them. :)

19 + 14 = ?

33 Reasons to celebrate Jeff!

1. I love your laugh!

2. I knew we were meant to be together the first time you held my hand--and feel the same way even today.

3. I love to go on dates with you--even though those may be a little harder to come by these days. ;)

4. I love how you want to spend time with our family, and make it a priority in your life.

5. I love what a WONDERFUL Dad you are. Our girls are SO lucky to have you as a Father. :)

6. I'm grateful that you are a hard worker, and find joy in your career.

7. Although at times I may complain, I'm glad that you are concerned about, and help me live by a budget.

8. Although some may find it rebellious, I LOVE you with a beard. :)

9. I feel lucky to have found someone with a solid testimony of the gospel, and a love for the Savior.

10. I also feel extremely fortunate that you are an honorable priesthood holder, and are willing to use it when needed. Our home is blessed with added protection and strength because of it.

11. I have always loved your optimistic outlook on life. The sun always seems to shine a little brighter when you're around. ;)

12. I love your humor and wit--I have since the moment I met you.

13. I can't eat a Laffy Taffy without thinking of you. :)

14. You're self-control is astounding to me. Once you set your mind to something, nothing sways you.

15. You rarely lose your temper or have an "off" day.

16. You know how to have fun!!!!

17. I love your dutch oven potatoes. :)

18. We've been through some pretty tough times together--and through it all you never gave up hope on God, yourself, us, or our future.

19. I love to watch you play golf, and then hug you when you get off the course. You smell like mud, sunshine, and sunblock. :) Plus, the candy bars you bring home for me after beating M Judi make me smile.

20. Although you hate to buy popcorn for me at the movie theater, I'm glad you give in. :)

21. I'm grateful for your competitive spirit. It makes up for what I lack.

22. You are so great with youth! You have taught me so much. Instead of dreading the teenage years with the girls--I am looking forward to them. :)

23. You have a good grasp on wants v. needs.

24. You say I'm sorry when you're wrong.

25. You are kind to everyone, even if you don't agree with them.

26. You always say "I love you" to me and the girls each time we part.

27. You're true blue through and through. Go Cougs!

28. Sydney says she loves when you watch movies with her.

29. She also says she loves to go camping with you and take rides in your truck.

30. Ellie loves it when you sing your made-up songs to her.

31. And, she loves it when you tickle her after she's gotten out of her bath. :)

32. You come from a fabulous family who raised you well and helped you become the person you are today.

33. Out of your 33 years, I have spent almost 11 of them with you, and I am a better person because of it.

WE LOVE YOU JEFF! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!